Two shadows3 min de lecture

One bright, one dark

I was walking down the street, the same old path, like every day. And I noticed my two shadows. That’s when I realized that this was me: two versions. One walking the path society dictates, the other trying to break free. It is easy to think that you only live once and should live fully. It’s another to act on it. It’s so easy to get caught up in your everyday life. To do what is expected of you: get up, take care of yourself and the people living with you, going to work, going home, trying to entertain yourself a bit, and get to sleep. And it all plays again the next day. 

I looked at my shadows, one lighter than the other, and it was easy to understand which one was which. I let life and society guide me for so long. Like in a science-fiction novel, I was waking up from the dream (or nightmare?) that was imposed on me. 

What could I do? Just chuck everything in? It wasn’t that easy, was it? The shock won’t be good on me. I had to get things right, one step at a time. Wouldn’t that take too long?

I arrived in front of the building. I raised my head to look at the heavy structure. Will I have the courage to get in after this epiphany? Did I have a choice? People say we always have a choice, but do we really? My head got dizzy. I had two solutions right now: call in sick and try to figure out everything, or get in the building and forget all of this. 

Of course, I chose solution #2.

Three weeks later, I was sitting at home, drinking a nice hot tea, when it all came back to me. Like an electroshock. I put down my tea and I started to panic, because that’s what I do best. Ironically, I had my “Don’t panic” mug sitting right next to me. 

I faced the obvious: my mind was telling me that (my) life was going sideways. I wasn’t living, I was just going with the flow. I wasn’t unhappy. But I wasn’t happy either. I was just there, a spectator of my own life. And that’s not what I wanted. I could do better. I wasn’t about to change the world, but I was about to change my life for the best. One hole in the broken system. It would take time, it wouldn’t be easy, it would be filled with obstacles and pain, but it would be worth it. Failing wasn’t an option, because failing was part of the process and therefore a success. It was in failing to live that I realized I needed to bring change. 

I made a promise to myself that day. I knew I wasn’t the kind of person who could just threw everything away and start on a blank page – neither would that be efficient. But I wouldn’t let myself just “be” anymore. 

Two weeks later, as s.he was walking the same path to go to work, with the firm decision to change his life and therefore quit his job, s.he gave a look towards his.her shadows. Like this fatal day, they were there, one bright, one dark. What s.he did not notice, as s.he entered the dreaded building, was that one of the shadows went away, on its own, determined to follow its own path. Would you dare guess which one?